The Matter of Choice in Long Distance Relationships

Have you ever come across someone who just kept saying that a long distance relationship would not work no matter how hard you try? It even sounds more familiar when he/she ends the conversation with the universal phrase such as “I know it because I saw lots of failed LDR” If you choose to listen to this kind of comment, then you choose to fail in your long distance relationship because you will never be able to survive your LDR. The reason is simple, you choose to listen to the wrong command or choose to believe the wrong concept.

I truly believe that everyone in this world have their own opinion which is best to them all the time. What they think is true to them because they are capable of thinking only the true thing. I don’t blame them because they are true at least in their own little world. It is all up to us to believe what is said or we can choose to believe that every outcome is at our own hand. Let me tell you this, you can completely determine your own outcome when it comes to a long distance relationship. How you think what you do can really determine the result of your LDR. If you choose to believe that you can determine the outcome of your long distance relationship, then your LDR journey will becomes easier or more predictable.

Below are some examples of the positive choices you can make in relation to your long distance relationship.

1) Believe in Yourself, Your Partner and the Relationship

Throughout the period of a long distance relationship, nothing beats the trust and believes you had in yourself, your partner and the relationship. You can prepare yourself whatever you want but if you do not believe that your long distance relationship will work then, nothing matters anymore. Therefore, you must choose to believe that the relationship will work regardless of all the odds mounting against your relationship.

2) Set Back is a Way to Strengthen your Relationship

There are no such things as a perfect romantic relationship and needless to say when it comes to long distance relationships. Set back is part and parcel of a relationship but how you tune yourself to see the set back is very important. You can choose to see it negatively or positively and the outcome (solutions) derived from what you choose can determine the course of your relationship. Therefore, instead of viewing the set back as a hindrance or threat to your long distance relationship, you must view it as an opportunity for you to strengthen the relationship.

3) You can Choose to Win or Lose

It is our nature to see only the negative side of everything due to lack of self confidence and uncertainties. We do not blame you for having this thought as most of the couples in long distance relationship we work with, expressed the same concern. However do you know that the success rate for long distance relationship couples is as good as any other relationship? Research has proven that the success rate for long distance relationship is as high as 85%. With this data, you can choose to be in the positive 85% or choose to stay in the failure 15%. Therefore if you are serious about your long distance relationship, you must put yourself among the success 85%.

4) Opportunity in Distance

Physical distance in a long distance relationship is not necessary bad to the relationship. Although physical distance prevents you from certain physical activities such as hand holding, kissing, hugging and sex, it does not prevent you from advancing further into the relationship. The physical distance is a good opportunity for you to rediscover the relationship and yourself. You can always take the opportunity to upgrade yourself while your partner is away such as taking up the courses that you have always wanted to take and etc. In fact the distance will also test your patience, the love you had for your partner and as well as the integrity of the relationship itself. Therefore, instead of focusing on what you cannot do over the distance, you can always focus on what you can do to improve your relationship from the distance. What you choose here could really determine whether you are happy or not throughout your long distance relationship.

5) Problem in Communication.

Communication is one of the biggest elements that could either make or break your long distance relationship. Unfortunately, many people believe that they are not going to make it when it comes to communication due to the difficulties, time and cost involve. Instead of looking at the problems, you can always think of the opportunity that comes along. The biggest opportunity here is to learn how to communicate effectively over the distance. The valuable skill cannot be learned anywhere else as distance will automatically sharpen your conversation skill. If you start to think carefully, all other problem mentioned earlier can be solved easily with current available technology (Internet, VOIP phone, email and etc). Therefore, it is proven again that you have the ability to choose what is best for you in regards to long distance communication.

There are two sides to every coin and the above are just some of the examples of the choices you can make in your long distance relationship. How or what you choose really makes the difference throughout the period of your long distance relationship. The choice is at your hand, choose correctly and you will triumph regardless of any relationship. Lastly, I on behalf of Perfect-Relationship.com would like to wish you all the best to your long distance relationship.

Making Your Long Distance Relationship Work

Distance often throws a monkey wrench into a relationship. That is why many people are wary of committing to any long distance relationship. However, most couples tend to forget that relationship does not depend on the physical location only.

Close proximity can often be suffocating while in a long distance relationship many good things can bloom in the space between the couple. For this to happen, couples should focus on how things can turn out right instead of dwelling on what can go wrong. If you are trying to make your long distance relationship work, check out the following suggestions.

Being In A Successful Long Distance Relationship

A sexual relationship at the wrong point of time has a negative bearing on a relationship. (This is sure going to get a lot of flack from some readers, but sorry people, this is the truth!) This intimacy changes the equation especially when they are not yet ready to take the step. Once the threshold is crossed the pressure on the relationship makes it harder to work things out as they move very quickly in other areas. More often than not, it leads to a break up. However, when a couple is far away, the pressure of physical contact is reduced. The relationship progresses slowly making the couple know each other better.

In a long distance relationship, proper communication is important. To keep things moving forward, these relationships use a different line of communication that is far better than those who stay in close proximity. That is because the only way to spend time with one another in a long distance relationship is through communication. When together, communication can often turn into arguments. While this not impossible when apart, it is greatly reduced, since there is more focus on the other person and less on oneself.

In a long distance relationship, friendship is the foundation on which it is built. No matter where they are located, a bond inevitably forms with an underlying emotional connection. In close proximity this valuable friendship is often overshadowed by intimacy. Thus, a support system, the bedrock of a relationship, which takes time to build, is missed out. In a long distance relationship, the couple become friends first and lovers later, so, both develop proper understanding. If you want your relationship to work no matter where you are, your partner should be your friend, apart from being our lover.

Have faith in your relationship no matter where you are. If you believe that your relationship is fragile just because of distance, you’re going to ruin it with your own hands. Live in the moment, enjoy the romance, and the rest will work out for you. Stay away from rumours and unlikely stories about your partner, avoid suspicion, and the seed of romance will blossom into a thing of beauty.

Although these points may sound like a long distance relationship can be easy for everyone to work out, this is not always so. Not everyone has the energy and commitment to carry out a long distance relationship. Many people are more comfortable when their partner is physically present for whatever may be the reason. However, if you are fully prepared to make the long distance relationship with your partner work, then all the points given above will surely be of help. Sometimes, distance may be one thing that pushes your relationship on to success.

When a Plane Ride is Necessary to See Your Honey – Long-Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships (LDR) are not for the weak at heart, not only that, they can also be expensive.  Even if two people only live 4 hours a part, it gets expensive running back and forth, even if you take turns.  Long distance relationships have a whole new dimension to them then a traditional relationship and one thing they can not survive with out is trust and communication, if either is lacking the relationship will never make it. 

There are a couple reasons people can find themselves in a long distance relationship:

  • Work takes on of the partners away.  With the war, many couples have been separated for long periods of time to where they have had to rely on their foundation they have built in their relationship to pull them through their absence.  If the foundation is shaky, the relationship can be at risk.  That is why it is so important to have a strong level of trust in your partner and excellent communication skills.  You never know what may separate you.
  • Online dating sites have created many long distance relationships.

Pre-established relationships that are disconnected through work or other reasons that finds them in a long distance relationship may be able to benefit from some of these tips.  However, this article is more directed towards the population that are in new relationships that are long distance out of choice by either chance encounters or meeting on an online dating site.  

Long distance relationships by choice are becoming a common relationship.  It is estimated that 4.4 million college age people and 3.5 million dating couples are in long distant relationships.  That is not counting married couples that are separated do to work or war.  The online dating sites continue to add to these numbers daily as people are easily connected to people who live cities, to states, to countries apart from one another.  Break up rates in long distant couples is not that much greater then amongst couples that live in close proximity with one another or even together.  Although LDRs have to work at their relationship in a different manner then traditional relationships, over all they are no less satisfied with the relationship other then the distance. 

Something you need to consider if you are thinking about entering a long distance relationship is if you are capable of handling the extra commitment and work it requires.  If you are recently in a LDR and have already have had thoughts of straying or obsessive thoughts that your partner is cheating you are not cut out for the long distance lifestyle.  Here are some tips that will help in your dating ventures as well as maintenance of a long distance relationship.

Have an end in sight. 

When people are separated by work or war, they have the advantage of knowing approximately how long the separation will be.  This gives them something tangible to look forward to and calms fears of never being together.  Therefore, give yourself the same advantage.  Before getting to deep into the relationship, make a time line of how the relationship would ideally work out.  Is the other person finishing their degree and does not choose to leave their current university?  Take into accounts what things are happening in each other’s lives and make a reasonable time line of when the separation is going to end and you will be united. 

Think about your willingness to relocate.  If you have no intentions on relocating, make sure to make that clear early on in the relationship.  You partner may feel the same way and you are then at a stalemate and need to make a decision to continue or call it quits. 

Make time to communicate

In long distance relationship, communication levels need to be increased drastically compared to traditional relationships.  You are wise to make sure you have the same cell phone carriers or a really good long distance phone plan.  Schedule your communication so each partner knows when the next time will be when he or she will hear from you.  This takes some of the worry out of the equation.  The more you talk the less the distance will appear.  Mark dates and times a month in advance with each other.  It gives you both parties a tangible thing to look forward to.  If for some reason you are not going to be able to call on a scheduled time, let the partner know in advance.  Do not just blow it off as if it does not matter.  Always think, would you want the same done to you?

Physical visits

Just like the phone communication, schedule physical visits in advance, the more the better, but no less then once every six months.  Depending on the amount of distance between the couple will play a factor in the frequency of visits.  It can get very expensive traveling all the time.  However, in addition to scheduling physical visits, schedule mini vacations like a traditional relationship would have.  This continues to help the relationship grow and stay fresh. 

Trust

Trust can be an issue in any relationship, however if you already have trust issues, long distance is not for you.  It takes a blind trust in a sense to be able to handle LDRs.  You do not have the luxury of seeing this person daily nor can you talk to them every night the entire night through.  You have to be willing to give a level of trust that is even deeper then that in a traditional relationship.  Statistics show that people e who are in LDR do not cheat any more then a traditional relationship, however, they do have a tendency to worry about it more which can bring problems of their own in the relationship.  A person can actually begin to believe their partner is cheating purely from worry alone and by no indication from the other partner that there is anything wrong. 

Intimacy

In a long distance relationship, intimacy takes on a completely new meaning.  You have to learn to focus on what you have at your disposal rather then what you don’t have.  LDRs need to communicate more and in a variety of ways to stimulate as many senses as possible.  Hand written letters, emails, phone call, video chats, tape-recorded messages, pictures, and tokens of love are all great ways to improve a distant intimacy.  People in LDR need to communicate more there day to day activities, plans, how their day went, the small details of their life as well as the bigger ones to help the couples feel a part of their everyday living and an important part of each other’s life. 

Isolation

It is easy for people in LDR to begin to isolate themselves from others and only focus strictly on work to avoid uncomfortable situations while out in public.  They appear to be physically single; however, they are not single emotionally.  Although LDR are becoming more acceptable as a alternative dating arrangement, it is not yet seen by all as a real relationship which leads the person in a LDR having to re-explain their position repeatedly.  Rather then always having to feel the need to defend their LDR and the reality of their love they simply avoid any situations that may bring up question.  However, this is very unhealthy.  People in long distance relationships still need to have a support circle with whom they can feel safe to discuss their relationship with as well as socialize with other people. 

Quality of Relationship

Most people in LDR measure the success of their relationship based off their last physical encounter rather then the relationship as a whole.  If the last visit went poorly, they may sit back with worries until the next visit.  Phone conversations in the mid term avoid discussing how or why the last visit did not go well as others so the moment is not ruined.  This is another aspect where long distance relationships can fail.  Although they may have increase communication, they need to discuss the good and the bad and work through them regardless if they are sitting next to each other.  They cannot allow things to fester up until the next visit and expect it to go well, or try to hide the negative feelings they have been dealing with since the last visit.  Although the communication needs to be at an increased level in LDR, it needs to be of increased quality as well.  

Sex

Over all, couples with mutual commitment to a LDR report having a satisfying sex relationship.  When they do get to see each other physically, the sex is always fresh, new and exciting, much like honeymooning.  The downside of this can be that the expectation level of their sex life remaining at status quo after uniting is unrealistic and seldom happens which can lead to problems and eventual break in the relationship.  Couples substitute the physical connection part of sex while away through phone sex, erotic emails, and pictures.  If you are not comfortable with “phone sex” and/or self-pleasure, you may want to reconsider a long distance relationship

Long distance relationship can work, they just take a different level of commitment, trust, and the couple must have excellent communication skills to make one work. 

Long Distance Relationships – 8 Tips For Making Yours Fun, Fulfilling and Successful!

“Everything would have been fine if we lived in the same town/state/country,” is the common reason many men and women give for a long distance relationship not working out.

Admitted, distance can put an enormous strain on a relationship, but claiming that “distance” is the only reason a relationship didn’t work out or can not work is putting your hands over your ears and shouting, “la-la-la-la-la-la- land” because the truth is too much to handle.

I’ve met many men and women who won’t even try long distance relationships because according to them “Long distance relationships just don’t work”.

That simply isn’t true! Long distance relationships CAN and DO work if the two individuals involved want it to. In my opinion, the question is not “Do long distance relationships work?” but rather “Do both of you want to make it work?” If you both want to make it work, distance is just another obstacle that two people who truly love each other can easily overcome — if they really want to.

These simple to follow tips will help your long distance relationship not only survive distance, they’ll also help you lay a strong foundation for a relationship that is fun, fulfilling and successful!

1. Talk at least once a week

Technology has made it easier than ever to keep in touch long distance. A few quick emails, text messages and phone calls at least once a day (or even once a week) create a sense of being fully engaged in each other’s lives. Your relationship success depends on you being connected, so set aside uninterrupted talk-time to “catch up” on each other’s lives.

If the other person can’t make time for even a 10 minutes’ conversation, but has time to go out with friends, go to a party, go the gym, cook or even sleep, get a clue, that person isn’t into you as you want to think. If the other person is truly interested in you, he or she’ll show all signs of not only wanting to continue the relationship but to move closer. And if s/he truly loves you that much, s/he’ll not only create the time for you, s/he’ll put talking to you top most priority on his/her list of things to do. You on the other hand have to be realistic and not try to suck up all his/her time because you’re dripping with neediness.

2. Cultivate independent but inter-dependent lives

The time between calls and in-person reunions can be pure torture if you’re spending all your time apart obsessing about the other person. You may find that you’ve put everything on hold to the point that no one else and nothing else is important or meaningful in life except being with him or her. You’re consumed with constantly trying to test his or her love for you; doing things to try to make his or her need you, telling him or her about your “other admirers” etc. If s/he doesn’t call or email you when you expect him/her to, you feel restlessness, rejected and unwanted. Some people become so needy that the other person just shuts down emotionally.

Instead of wasting so much time and emotions acting all clingy, needy and controlling, use the “distance” to develop and grow as an individual with your own independent life and who enjoys your own company. You’ll feel more positively about “distance” when you feel positive about yourself, the other person, the relationship and life in general. A positive outlook is very important to the success of a LDR.

3. Let go of fear of abandonment/loss

Distance has a way of playing up anxiety and fear of the unknown. You miss him/her so much that you start imagining him/her cheating on you even when deep down you know that s/he is not the cheating type. Even when s/he has given you no reason to think that s/he might cheat, you tell yourself, “You just never know” or “Don’t be a fool!”

If you are not fully prepared to trust your man or woman you have no business being in a long distance relationship because in LDRs, trust is everything. Without trust, there is little point in having the relationship. Without trust sustaining a long distance relationship is impossible.

Discuss your anxiety and fears with him or her and once you get the reassurance you need, LET IT GO. Truth is, if s/he wants to cheat, s/he will and there is nothing you can do about it. Give your mind some rest and concentrate on building a strong foundation for your relationship. It also helps for you to make extra efforts to be reliable, to do what you say you are going to do and to show that you’re trustworthy. Trust cuts both ways!

4. Keep that sense of fun and romance alive

One of the most difficult things about long distance relationships is that you can’t just turn to your man or woman and say “let’s go for a walk in the park”, or just drop in and ask him or her out for a drink. In the absence of these seemingly insignificant shared moments that most people in proximity relationships take for granted, it’s easy for two people to become so stuck in the waiting, and the future, that they completely forget about now. The relationship slowly loses it’s spark and eventually fades out.

To avoid this, try as much as possible to go out on “virtual dates”. For example, decide to go watch the latest movie on the same day and then later call the other to share experiences, thoughts and opinions. Better yet, if time zones allow and if it’s cost effective, rent a movie and watch it “together” with the other person on the phone. You can also play cards or games over the internet etc. And don’t forget to flirt, seduce and tell him or her just how much s/he means to you and how much you love him or her. The important thing is to take the necessary steps to keep the sense of fun, shared interests, romance and passion alive.

5. Create a supportive environment

There’ll be times when it seems like the other person is not bothered by distance, is happy that you’re apart, or is having more fun. This makes you feel like you are the only one who “cares”. So instead of trying to understand what’s causing him or her to act that way, be supportive of whatever they’re going through and encouraging of his or her efforts given what the two of you have to deal with, you start instructing, coaching, and scolding the other person for not “caring” about you or the relationship. Eventually all conversations become about how the relationship is neither right nor going anywhere. And true enough, you find yourselves living down to your own expectations.

It’s had enough to have a long distance relationship without the constant nagging, instructing, coaching, and scolding of someone who consistently treats the relationship as a one person’s property or business. Use that excess energy to create a supportive environment that fosters understanding, reassurance and cooperation. Sometimes all you need to do is listen. Don’t judge and don’t try to fix. Just listen. You can also bounce ideas off him or her, etc. Work as allies with the same goal.

6. Always have a plan for the next in-person reunion

Just knowing when you’ll see each other again makes it easier to handle long distance relationships. Make the planning and preparing for the reunion a joint project. Share your thoughts and dreams of your re-union on a regular basis. This can make your coming together much more exciting, meaningful and special.

Be careful, though. Don’t let expectations of how fantastic your reunion is going to be build too high as the reality often doesn’t match up to the fantasy. Expect there to be awkward silences, many down times and even arguments. It’s a relationship not a fantasy!

7. Make plans for one of you to move

Someone must move at some point in order to keep the relationship together. If you’re both eager to stay together, then set a date for getting together – either moving in or, at least, living in the same town and “dating”. However, if it’s a new relationship or a relationship on shaky grounds hold off the “future together” talk until you both feel that the relationship has matured, is more stable or until the other person is ready. If the other person is not ready, it doesn’t matter how much you want it, it’s never going to happen. The “I am not going to wait forever” may just become “It’s over”

8. Ignore people who say long distance relationships don’t work

It’s not easy and there are no guarantees — same as in all relationships. But don’t run away from your long-distance relationship because everyone says “Long distance relationships don’t and won’t work”. Long distance relationships have worked and can work for you if you are willing to do the hard work. If you’re both emotionally mature enough, and are devoted enough, distance can teach both of you to exercise deeper connections, and provide for objective and honest assessment of your feelings for the each other. Distance can also encourage a stronger foundation for the development of your relationship.

At a time when careers increasingly demand greater mobility, long distance relationships are not only a very attractive option, they may very well be the future.

Not even distance can stop true love!